llama

add hope.

2009-03-04T05:15:32Z

enlightenment forgot itself in fear
(much to humanity's dismay) but was destined
to remember

the light must fill the dark
for purposes beyond our self knowing
- purely because love is the universal way
in which we all must speak
eventually.

There is no one listening!

2009-03-04T02:28:31Z

What is the point of my fruitless extension?

This book has passed the point and I'm beginning to disbelieve the power of the written word.

Pessimism would destroy me if it lasted any longer.

old hope, new despair

2008-07-27T05:52:43Z

this 'adult' world of systems has one more slave!

i have left my own mind to venture into this new space.

money is a strange, unattractive, hardly translatable language.

i speak roughly to exchange these words for another space:
an apartment for myself and perhaps a relative of estlin: archimedes.

may the fates watch over me, for i am often lost in this strange new land.
may the gods receive me when i show up having forgotten my native tongue.

amen.

amandallama @ 2008-06-16T16:01:00

2008-06-16T20:04:28Z

our choices carry past to present,
present to future.

i choose my fate
despite the force of the universe.

i'm not small though i'm smaller
than the whole.

i see big, little versions of god
orbiting around each vision of good
or bad,

positive or negative.

i choose the light because i believe.

amandallama @ 2008-05-15T22:09:00

2008-05-16T02:16:47Z

how quickly were we meant to experience love, knowledge, fear, and free will?

. . . . . . .Love (++). . . . . . .
Free Will(-+) Knowledge (+-)
. . . . . . .Fear (--). . . . . . . .

the rise and fall could speak to years, minutes, untimable moments.

i find myself in rapidity,
gravity hurtling me toward my destiny.

amandallama @ 2008-05-12T15:56:00

2008-05-12T19:56:36Z

the future is born of a past decided: it is only now in which our free will has any reign.

April 2 2008

amandallama @ 2008-04-30T12:51:00

2008-04-30T16:52:29Z

lately i have to remind myself that my greatest gift from the cosmos is my inability to remember.

from this state of being i am free to evolve without being slowed by the past.

i see the future more clearly than the past (though i've recently discovered they both exist in this moment).

i am in love, so much so i wonder if i'd ever known love before.

from god, maybe. from myself, yes. from this person - no, and for that i am thankful for the evolution of this moment and the direction my path has turned me: toward the light, the future, all hope.

amen.

amandallama @ 2008-04-09T13:20:00

2008-04-09T17:21:05Z

he's got a point..

..these ideas i've developed over the years are based only on my Self, my notes, my vision, my ideas. outside of me they are nothing.

the connection, then, must be through me.

i'm lost in a world that doesn't recognize what i see.

we'll see.

prophesies or thoughts

2008-03-27T04:41:00Z

there is something to be said of negativity: it can gain attention.

is this an echoing of mutual whole? a critical mass which, in illusion, destroys instead of creates?

i see so much negativity suddenly, and steadily for days. a lie, magnified, given to others to infect.

may we vanquish the darkness with light.

how else could we defeat what doesn't exist?

amandallama @ 2008-03-15T23:38:00

2008-03-16T03:41:18Z

sometimes i am not myself; i am the words i write.

i am not me but i am not anyone else.

reading is only possible in the narrowest scope.

am i more than words?

my self is lettered, my body: fettered.

an end?

2008-03-04T18:22:43Z

i don't want to die, but is death possible?

there are no endings and i understand this idea well.

if i were to die in this life and wake up in another would i remember any of this?

will any of you?

- +

2008-02-13T18:05:30Z

though i went ten years proclaiming feb 14th to be non-valentine's day, tomorrow is, in fact, valentine's day.

i feel it finally appropriate to step outside of a systems-liberation-momentum and to partake in american ritual, but on my own terms.

i often find myself protesting the old ways. this is how i've functioned for most of my life (at least from 13 on). now i see myself understanding humanity better. my relation to them is not physical, not holiday-based.

my relation to humanity is through loving one, in particular. and i will take a day to celebrate.

<3
happy day.

amandallama @ 2008-01-22T14:26:00

2008-01-22T19:30:38Z

i am learning to see the world differently than i was taught.

fear drives humanity in and out of situations but it is love we are seeking.

if a soul grows without one, they have more of the other.

is it up to me to love? to grow enough inside me to share with the whole of humanity?

it can only aid my self, and yes, humanity - but i plead with my species:

fill your fear with love, for we are heading fast down path, and soon it will be harder

(or easier) to make the choice.

honestly.

2008-01-17T18:41:37Z

i wonder if when i write and find my thoughts so profound that perhaps others find them ridiculous, meaningless, confusing.

i write for myself - i do need to work these ideas out through language. but i write for you - i've begun to believe my whole life is for everyone else, the whole of humanity.

can anyone hear me? is it helping? should i refocus and begin on another path?

expansion, i find, is the only way to go on.

phase 4.

2008-01-10T19:07:34Z

prophets can't predict
they see possibility
any which will be

i am beginning to understand my true path. my visions of earth and humanity must begin with me. i have lived in a world of theory for long enough. it is now, this moment, which propels me toward the particular future i have my eye on.

i believe in this. i thank those i love who support the wildness of these possibilities.

i am so thankful to be alive.

amandallama @ 2007-12-25T15:09:00

2007-12-25T20:17:03Z

I have learned a truth that I am never to be the same and to always welcome the change.

I consider all to be real, except for the negative scope.

There will come a time in which earth's physicality is unsustainable for humans. Our path may resist or embrace. Something will happen. We will either survive or not. Sometimes, though, I get so wrapped up in the being of it all.

that but this.

2007-12-09T07:26:36Z

i'll say i'm proud of who i've become but also keenly aware of who i am yet to be. this creates in me humility, a longing to be what i'm not, a need for evolution.

this need having guided me these past few years. vision is gift but it is just as untrue as the past. we are only this.

the miracle of humanity is knowing beyond ourselves, finding need for evolution.

perhaps, then, the darkness guides us, a catalyst for a change.

if believing were being

2007-12-08T18:35:21Z

earth is in a period of great change, and with it a great hope. humanity is a species of thought and thus, a new kind of evolution.

from my thoughts i've received gifts from the universe - truths that have furthered my path, direction, and hopes. if belief is creation and i believe in success, i am partly responsible for the survival of light, our species, and our place on earth and in the universe.

we have created darkness and from it we have a unique opportunity to understand its equal and opposite nature: light, love, the positive spectrum.

i hear so much about god, religion, what could possibly exist after our physical deaths and our reason for being born - it seems we are driven by these questions and some find comfort in abandoning all the previous thought-systems that have answered these questions. to me this is positive, for our evolution is opened to all possibility if we are ready to abandon the old ways.

my belief systems are solid but maleable, set but growing. my hope for humanity is that we may evolve toward light, that we may believe enough to make it real.

hallelujah

2007-11-29T20:50:41Z

the positive scope is probably what some would call god, though this idea of personification is getting a little ridiculous.

my theories have to do with the negative scope. who created it and why.

humanity is a complicated species. perhaps we, a species of superpowers, could create the darkness and personify the universe with it.

it's a theory but like i say, everything is possible.

ramblings of a madman;hope for a species.

2007-11-25T22:35:41Z

i see now that my fellow species believes in systems so thorougly i cannot ask them to abandon the already established.

they rely on these systems for food, shelter, water, and hope.

if i took them away, told them they don't exist - they'd have nothing, and that's not possible.

our future calls for radical change, however small its beginning.

i ask not only of humanity but of earth and every other species. perhaps forgiveness of the species is necessary. may we see each soul as a soul and not a kind of person, or even a person, animal, plant.

i guess people have been trying to invent the greatest system but they're just constructs. maybe it's time for something else.

a plea.

2007-11-11T22:31:32Z

is it possible for humanity to abandon the whole of our modern knowledge and apply these lessons in an entirely new way?

of course i say yes, but it's my business to believe.

it's not up to me - it's on all of our shoulders. it's earth, the animals, the plants - will they make room for humanity if we don't make room for them?

how can a soul illustrate the necessity of what-has-never-been?

i'm asking. mutual whole asks of us. since when were we most important? how long have we lived with this untruth?

which brings me back to: it's no one's fault but we must accept repsonsibility.

the great divide

2007-11-11T08:09:36Z

it seems to me that our species, in this time, is aided by science and technology when we seek outside ourselves.

i see the spiritual and mathematical divide, its path between humanity. though inevitably, a connection is sighted.

who can take my word for these connections, this space between each part of the universe?

so i write, words strung together seemingly haphazardly, sometimes no meaning in sight. all i can say is what i know, and what i know is of this light, these connections, and this liberation of ourselves from our previous ways.

my faith in humanity, then, mathematical.

amandallama @ 2007-10-31T12:09:00

2007-10-31T16:15:14Z

there are countless worlds i will never recognize
for i've come to know we, each, have built our own.

to believe in this species i have imagined a world
unseen, unconceived - impossible until we all choose.

call for soldiers.

2007-10-29T18:47:20Z

(from back and neck pain i have learned to appreciate able-bodiedness.)

there is a positive for every negative, which isn't a something at all - just an idea, a position on the negative spectrum. i believe in truth, the light - goodness.

if it is humanity's end that has become necessary i propose a different truth: ours! i see a new way (if only i could get the whole species on board).

if anyone's interested in the liberation of light, the revolution of our people could move us from the negative to the positive spectrum.

so much so fast

2007-10-21T04:40:46Z

it seems as if everything happened all at once, the whole story of the universe. i suppose that's a lot to absorb in one moment.

yet here i stand, a life not possible in previous pasts. am i proof that this is possible - that humanity can survive, is destined to survive?

do my beliefs become real and extend to the rest of the species? to believe in what is possible, to question what is.

my whole self is made of this belief, human and otherwise. may we live.